i woke up this morning.
after bad dreams. AGAIN.
i had bad dreams the night before too.
i don't remember the ones from the night before. i remember i was in uncomfortable company. i am not at liberty to discuss the happenenings of the most recent bad dream. but it was set around the premise of me being a jealous out of control bastard.
i was soaked in sweat when i woke up. i get night sweats lately. i'm not sure why. it's disgusting. i woke up at 6am took a shower and went back to bed for 2 hours before i went to the dr. and i woke up soaked in sweat again. it's so gross. gross.
at the dr's office i got a z-pac and a decongestant. yay. i can even register for classes tomorrow without having paid for my pills pills pills.
goddamnit.
i need to meet with an advisor. i'll see about doing that shit today.
i also have to fill out about a million sheets of paper and turn them into the financial aid office. today of course is the day they don't open until 1pm. but that gives me time to go ahead and get that shit done.
my life is hell world.

2 years on LJ.
yay.
celebrate good times come on.
i don't really use this one anymore.
danielmath
is where i'm at.
so. holla back.

sarah.daniel

i like to weed out people from my life who lie to themselves to make their lives less depressing. fortunately the two people in my life who are best at this, i have no further engagements.... one of them is significantly less bothersome. i feel sorry for her almost. keep begging little puppy. maybe someone will like you for you one day. the other will be out of my life soon enough. they've recently started talking to each other regularly so....disappointingly, they may learn new tactics for making themselves feel like real people through deceiving their own minds. i'm particularly angry at one of them because she calls ME a liar to make herself feel better. don't call me a liar ... i never lied to you about ANYTHING EVER. i'll tell you that i don't like you. i don't have to lie to your face. there IS a reason no one calls to hang out with you. and it's not me.

promotion machine -- my ass.
these are people that would not have come to the drag show had i not been involved. some of them came because of mandy and jodi but I asked for them to perform. i suggested that they ask to perform. you have to know people to be a "hell of a promoter."
(  29 people i brought with me )

on a completely unrelated note.....
for those of you who thought i meant kristin in the first paragraph.....i did not.
kristin.....
when i was undressing her in the dressing room i noticed that she had those goddamned cut marks on her arm. immature. and i hate myself for being gentle with her when i saw them. fucking idiot---i am. i do hope that she never calls me as i suggested when she feels down. i'm sure she won't. she starves for negative attention. i also wish that she would find some other method of personal validation than her looks and her sexual experiences. i know she has some wonderful qualities about her but one would never know from her actions.. and when you're done fucking all your friends.....who's gonna love you then?

sarah. in a particularly destructive mood.

this is the coolest thing ever.

http://www.fitday.com

you sign up for this journal
and you can put in your food and activities everyday. and it calculates your calories taken in and calories burned.
and it gives you these awesome pie charts.
it's the coolest thing ever.
i just started today.
but i put in all my food from yesterday and all the working out i did yesterday.
and i made myself a weight goal and date.
150 pounds before 4/30/03
just go check it out you will love it!
i can't wait for like a progression of pie charts and for my little weight loss bar graph to start going down.

i was at ross with randa buying a shirt for our drag performance.
and i looked out the window. and i saw dan the man walking into the store.
without thinking about it i said to randa, "there's the man i lost my virginity to"
and she started laughing because he was all scraggly and lanky and kind of dirty looking and she was like you're kidding right and i said unfortunately no. haha.
i did not talk to him. he was with some girls.
funny day.

what would it take for you to just leave with me?
not trying to sound conceited but me and you were meant to be

i <3 britney.

. rugby practice was good times.
i love it.
i need to go grocery shopping tonight!
caitlin and i are going to the gym.

i have a motherfucking test tomorrow in calc. and honestly i am not sure how i am going to fare.

i called allison to see about doing dr. dre and snoop nothing but a g thang. i'm not sure whether or not she will want to. i passed out flyers at practice. i hope my girls go.

i just printed out some flyers to give out to my rugby girls.
and instead of printing 15 it printed like 65.
shit. so i have like 65 flyers to hand out now. maybe i will find some people to give them to. i'm sposed to meet mo for lunch. i actually have money left over from the rugby trip to georgia. so i can pay for my damn self today.
i have enough to eat in the cafeteria and i think i might try convincing mo to eat there too. i don't know if she will because she likes to eat the chic fil a. i am a robot.

i'm in georgia for a tournament!
booya.
we won the two important games today.
i didn't play in them because i don't have enough credits.
but i'm playing tomorrow in the less important games. i can't wait.
we're gonna fucking win this tournament.
i had a super good time. and tonight we're going to a social and i'm going to get fucking SMASHED.
love,
sarah

so i went to be an extra yesterday.
it was something so ridiculously exciting while at the same time being the most boring thing i have ever done.
i saw them film close to two full scenes.
the movie is about Aileen Wournos that lesbian prostitute murderer that killed men up and down I-95 back in the 90's. she got put to death last year. it's called monster.
charlize theron plays aileen and christina ricci plays her girlfriend. i saw both of them yesterday and stood an arms length away from both of them. they both looked reallly really unattractive. like lesbians. charlize, whose nickname i gathered was "lee", is about 5'9" and skinny but not as skinny as she was in sweet november. and she looked REALLY bad with stringy hair and ugly make up. and christina had a mullet wig and she was about 5 feet tall. kind of chub. she was wearing these tight pants with this long leather wallet hanging out of them. she had a cast on her right arm. christina's voice is weird. and charlize has a bizarre accent. she had a voice coach there and she said "can i get a towel or something" about 20 times with him. to get the proper southern inflection.

these are the scenes i saw them film. (about a million times.)
three dykes are sitting at a table bullshiting and laughing. and one of them has a waitress on her lap. the waitress tells them a story about a man at the gym that she can't take her eyes off of because he has one really muscular arm and one floppy arm. she's trying not to look at him but he's staring at her and finally she throws up her arms and says "what?" and he lifts his floppy arm and points at her chest. and she says "and i was busting right out of my top". while she's telling the story the dyke who's lap she's on is lifting up her skirt. she smacks her hand away and gets up and walks over to the table next to them which christina is at. christina leans forward and the waitress asks how she is tonight? and christina says good. and the waitress asks if anyone is sitting with christina. and christina gets all excited like she's going to sit down with her and says that no one is sitting there. but the waitress just takes the chair away. and christina sits back all dejected like and sips at her alcoholic beverage.
the next scene they filmed is charlize's entrance.
charlize busts in the door cause it's sposed to be raining outside and she was all soaking wet. (HOTTIE) and she struts up to the bar and sits down. the bartender and everyone is staring at her. and the previously mentioned dyke table looks and says "look what the cats dragged in" and are basically saying she's not attractive at all. but one says she'd get with her. just objectifying her. i guess. and charlize asks the bartender for "a towel or something" and he says to her "our services are for patrons only" so she reaches in her pocket and pulls out a couple of ones. i guess. and he throws her a dish rag. she says thanks. and asks for a beer. he gives her one. the whole time christina has been watching charlize and she chugs her whole drink and gets up to walk over there. that's all i saw.
and they filmed it about a bajillion times from a bajillion angles and measured everything with measuring tape.
and polaroid photographed a lot. and everytime they took a picture they would say "flashing".

kristin (ej's) was there and so was marie's jen. we took a one hour long nap. i felt kind of bad that kristin and i didn't know each other enough i guess to keep each other interested in our company. but it was SUPER BORING there.

the FOOD WAS AWESOME. they had chicken marsala my FAVORITE. there was food at this "craft table". while i was there i had about 50 waters. and a million sticks of gum. and some apples and cheese sticks and cheddar chunks. and crumb cake. ha. food = love.

we ate and it was good times. me and jen got our food before anyone. we pretty much just wandered wherever we wanted. and no one told us not to. me and kristin petted charlize theron's doggie. she has two cocker spaniels. a dark brown one and a light brown one.

if i can remember anything interesting i'll post it.

i'm gonna be in a movie because i look like a real live lesbian
the movie is about that aileen wournos lesbian murdering prostitute.
and it's being filmed here in fla.
BRITTANY "EAT IN CHICKEN" MURPHY is gonna be in it.
i doubt she will be there tomorrow.
but i got called today.
and i saw that ej;s kristin Imed me about the movie. cause she's gonna be in it too.
we are gonna be real live lesbians in this movie together.
so i got the woman's cell phone and i told her who i was and she was like ok. you can be the first alternate.
and i was like ok whatever.
and then she just called me back and i get to be in the MOVIE!
i'm excited kristin has to be there.too.
she has to be there at 8am. i have to be there at 9am.
god i really am excited and scared all rolled into one.
i hope i don't miss motherfucking rugby practice.
i <3 rugby.
and a certain rugby someone!

sarah of sarah and carly asked me why i chose the name math robot as my drag name.
and i really have no idea.
so she was like do you like math?
and i was like yeah.
and she asked if i like robots and i was like yeah.
and so she asks mandy if mandy knows why i'm math robot.

mandy: OF COURSE I Do
sarah: you know why she's math?
mandy: BECAUSE She's mathematical!
sarah: and she likes robots!
mandy: SHE IS A ROBOT!
hahahaahhaahahahahahahaha
it was wonderful.

i'm bettter now.
i took my two pills yesterday.
i have 4 more to take over the next 4 days.
it's a bronchiole infection.
so my friends are calling me "bronco"
i have never had a nickname before and i think i like it.

i am still coughing up large amounts of blood though.
kind of gross but i feel fine.
i was going to work out but mo has a hangover so we're just going to hang out during her 2 hour break.

bronco.

ugh. i was coughing up blood around 5:30AM i was up very close to crying. my head hurt. and my body kind of ached.
i'm gonna go to the school clinic after 12.
i feel a little better but my teeth do hurt. bah.
my ears hurt.
i want someone to come take care of me.
i really wanted it at 5:30 this morning.
if i had been capable of driving i would have driven right over to kristin's.
she used to take good care of me when i was hurting.
play with my hair and hold me.
bah.
soemtimes i miss her. eh well.
i miss having someone to play with my hair and hold me when i'm in pain world.

freak me . is the song me and renda are doing for the drag show.
i wish i were not so uncomfortable in my body.
she wants us to do these sexual movements like dancing.
oh it's so hard.
bah.
i hate gyrating.

fortunately this is the only song i am doing.
as much as i love being in drag. it's very time consuming.
and once i get a real live job i don't think i will have time for drag world.

i have to go to class.

eminem is only 5'9"

i can't find my darren's dance grooves dvd
i am the angriest bear.
i want to dance.
like JUSTIN!
i know that if i found the stupid disk i'd watch it for like 2 minutes and get sick of it!
bah.

i don't feel like going to rugby practice.
at all.

i love kazaa.
i'm downloading 8 mile.
ha.
i love eminem.
i wish i could do superman again at this drag show.

chrissy i need a haircut.

chrissy.... chrissy.....
Why don't you like me?
You think I'm ugly don't you?

i miss you chrissy.

i REALLY REALLY REALLY want to do cry me a fucking river. but it's too slow.

i'm doing "freak me" by silk. with renda. we are aparently tying a girl up to a chair and "freaking her"
fortuantely i get to pick her out of the audience.
score.
i don't think i'm going to stay for the drag show. i'm just gonna do my song and dodge.
with some hoes hopefully.
booya.

speaking of hoes.
stefany and i were sposed to meet up at independent bar. sunday. and i've wanted to go for the longest time on sunday cause allegedly it's $0.50 drinks. not that i drink anymore i just am interested in going anyhow. it used to be barbarella's so i asked stefany if any gothic chicks go there.
she said no.
but when she got there she saw some goth girls and didn't see me. so she jumped to the conclusion that i had found some gothic chick and left with her. but i had just fallen asleep at home alone.
she thinks i'm a slut. i still thinks she's good people.

last night i dreamt that kristin came over.
and i looked through the peep hole and only saw her face
so i locked the door.
because i'm not much of a locked door kind of person i often leave it open.
and so i walked away from the door.
but she knocked again and i opened the door a crack and saw that she was naked.
so i let her in.
then we cuddled in this fort. with only one blanket.
she was still naked. except for the blanket.
the only way she's getting in my apartment now is if she's naked.
booya.

i went out tonight.but not to a gay club.
i went to underground bluz to see a friend of mine and a band that he likes from gainesville.
nikki buffoniamet up with me there.
and we went to pick up stefany scaredycat
it was alright. the band "the know hows" were actually pretty good.

rob and tara were there and i've always gotten this lesbian vibe from tara. but she's been dating rob for god knows how long. years.
anyhow rob is in a band with steve my friend from work and he said they have two shows next month so i programmed the dates into my phone to remind me.
they are opening for the queers at the social. and then they have a gig at wills pub with i don't know who.
they are called the peglegs and i've yet to see them but i can't wait.


then stefany and i went to hang out with some gays. at carly's hyperdonutapartment
it was good times. everyone but me was drinking. but i never mind. at least i was sober and i could leave whenever i wanted.
yeah. sober rules!

this really cute boy was there. i don't know his name. i hope i don't turn into a fag.

BOOYA!
i actually have an interview at AT&T
thank god.
i'm pretty sure that i am mother fucking in.
now i don't feel so bad about telling my father that i was already hired.
and that training starts on the 3rd.
usually i have a preternatural physchic ability to know what's going to happen.
of course this is self fulfulling prophesy beacuse i just applied there and have been checking the goddamned website to make an appointment the second the calendar showed up again as not full.
ha.
so i'm IN!
i have my appt the 30th at noon.
BOOYA!

i love when i remember things.
i just remembered this today.
i remember when i was young.
and i lived with my dad.
before my stupid mother got custody of me and ben.
me and my dad's family went to church and either before the evening service there was this pot luck dinner every sunday.
it was AWESOME.
food a go go since a large percentage of the church particiapted.
and my family always brought store bought goods and everyone else brought stuff they made.
but it was all good.
i am a big fan of all you can eat.
and the school cafeteria is all about all you can eat.
LOVE IT
i don't remember anything surrounding these occurrences of all you can eat except that there was a sleep over party one night in the same church.
and i believe that i went to it. but i don't remember.